Good Morning Afternoon or Evening…

Wherever you are, and whatever time, I welcome you here wholeheartedly. Today we will look at a very important aspect of our lives that is quite often overlooked, and to overlook this one aspect of ourselves can be disastrous.

The words we use have a huge effect on, not only ourselves but everyone and anyone we come in contact with. Words shape our lives and shape the future of our children and every relationship we enter into.Picture of a bird flying over the mountains-with quote saying-" Between stimulus and response there is a space-In that space is our power to choose our response-In our response lies our growth and freedom." Victor Frankyl!

Whether we are aware of it or not, between stimulus (something happening/action) there is a space or a gap if you like. Inside that gap… lies our choice of how we react to that stimulus. Our response to that stimulus needs to be through awareness and a responsibility to choose our response consciously.

As Victor Frankl (Holocaust Survivor and Author) and more recently Steven Covey(Author of The 7 Habits of Highly EffectivePeople) observed, it is our conscious response to the stimulus while inside that gap that our growth and freedom lie. We are reminded that the gap between the stimulus and our response to that stimulus shapes our entire lives.

For Example…

Something happens (stimulus) followed by a thought/feeling/emotion. This reaction is, for the majority of us unconscious, conditioned from past experience and memory, or projected into the future by our imagination. It is at this point we speak our words and respond either out of our memory of the past or our imagination about the future, both of whom influence our current perceptions, we then follow with words which then affect our action.

These words may not even be spoken, they can simply be conjured up in our mind, and depending on our current level of awareness leave us in an unpleasant or pleasant emotional state, depending on our immediate reaction to that stimulus. We need to make it a choice!!WORDS ARE LIKE WEAPONS-CHOOSE THE WORDS YOU USE WISELY

Are the words you’re using weapons of war or gentle peaceful words of wisdom and self-love.

One of the  things you can never get back “The Word After It Has Been Spoken”



Anxiety-Worry-Anger- Fear-Regret-Sadness-Loneliness-Grief-Self Doubt-Guilt-Envy-Hatred-Rejection-Despair-Blame-Resentment

Nasty little fellas aren’t they, and we know them all…don’t we!

man sitting alone in an old warehouse-Pondering!                              Girl walks through the woods at night-lost in thought         Quote-"EVEN WHEN YOUR MADTHINK BEFORE YOU TALK. THE WORDS YOU SAY CON ONLY BE FORGIVEN, NOT FORGOTTEN.POSITIVE EMOTIONS CREATED BY OUR WORDS

Joy-Interest-Serenity-Hope-Gratitude-Empathy-Kindness-Surprise (Pleasant)-Enthusiasm-Inspiration-Motivation-Curiosity-Action-Euphoria

Happy guy with beard smiling at the camera                                        Beautiful brunette on her phone smiling enjoying a coffee.


Let’s look at some common ways of expressing how we feel that over time build limitations and deprive us of all that we can become!

I’m just no good at that…

It’s just the way I am…

I’m not good enough / strong enough / smart enough…

I don’t know where to begin…

I give up…

I’m over it…

I just can’t see any way out…

I can’t afford it…

It’s not for me…

Take care…

Stay safe…

Better to be safe than sorry…

I wish I could…

Why is this happening to me…

I’m useless at that…

I’m hopeless at that…

I tried that it doesn’t work…

Why are you doing this to me…

Why is this happening to me…


One day…

It’s just too difficult…

I don’t know where to begin…

I feel like giving up…

I can’t go on like this…

I just can’t see a way out…

I can’t afford it…

I should…

Why does this always happen to me…

Quote: THE WORDS YOU SPEAK BECOME THE HOUSE YOU LIVE IN... HafizNow let’s look at words we use to describe ourselves and then some optional words we can use to take the sting out of our emotions and leave us in a less stressful place, lowering the burden of what has become our everyday life.






Lost – UNCERTAIN / NOT SURE YETQuote: Good words bring good feelings to the heart. Speak with kindness always-Rod Williams

Cant – CAN / I CAN / I WILL / I MUST









Procrastinating / ALLOWING / PSYCHING UP




Quote: Do not listen with the intent to reply, but with the intent to understand



As parents, we have a huge responsibility to correct and be more aware of our words and the effect they have when talking to our children. Most of these have been handed to you from your parents and to them from their parents. There is no blame here, but we need to know that we have the greatest opportunity here to break the cycle. As the loving parent that we all are please don’t underestimate the power, you hold to forever change your child’s life for the better.

Quote; Words are free. It's how you use them, that may cost you!


See if you recognize any of these little gems…

You’re So Useless!

Can’t You Do Anything Right?

What’s Wrong With You?

How Could You Be So Stupid?

Why Can’t You Be More Like…?

You’re Just Like Your Father!

You’re Just Like Your Mother!

You’ve Shamed Our Family!

Sometimes I Wish I’d Never Had Kids!

Money Doesn’t Grow On Trees!

I’m Not Made Of Money!

Improving Parenting Skills-Developing Positive Parenting Skills

As you read these statements and comprehend what you are actually saying to someone you love so dearly, become aware of the emotional damage being done as their sense of self-worth diminishes right before your eyes.

Whether you as their parent, are prepared to take responsibility for the immeasurable damage being caused. Your words in response to their actions are going to affect them, all their precious lives. Can you feel and appreciate the innocence of a  young vulnerable child, cringing in self-doubt and pain as she/he takes that first step backwards from you,  that leads to many steps away from you, that can prove to be irreversible.

Let me finish with this awesome definition of the word…


Loaning someone your strength instead of reminding them of their weaknesses…!!!

Please feel free to leave your thoughts in the comment section below. It would be an absolute pleasure to hear from you.Me, Paul in Bali with monkey on my shoulder

Wishing you continued success on your journey always!









  1. First let me say I love the 7 habits of highly effective people great read.. Second you hit the nail on the head..took me many many yrs and some therapy to figure out just how much words affect every aspect of our lives…words taught to us from childhood have so much bearing on our adult lives and what we in turn say out loud. Very great article…could have saved me some therapy money 

    1. Hello Cathy,

      Welcome here! I too enjoyed reading The 7 Habits.. it’s a wonderful book with the ability to map out your  whole life. As we eventually learn through adversity the need for change takes on many forms, each one a step in a better direction. Our childhood can leave us with many scars that we can carry with us for the rest of our lives.

      However the moment we become aware that we are totally responsible for our experience here, we can begin those changes we need to make. Everyone is our teacher and certainly our parents have a major influence and sometimes what they have to teach us is to do the opposite of what they have done, withholding any blame.

      Dear Cathy I wish you continued success in all your endeavours and please come here and visit anytime it’s been a pleasure!

      Best wishes always 


  2. Indeed Paul, words can be weapons…

    Hitler’s words led to world war…

    Mother Teresa’s words led to love…

    The power of the word can give comfort or give pain.

    I grew up being told I would never amount to anything…

    And because I listened to them, for a long time I didn’t amount to anything.

    One day I was able to change my ‘advisors’ and was told I was capable of anything I wanted.

    Now I have 2 successful businesses in The Philippines (I am originally from England) and have a house in both The Philippines and in Thailand.

    I am so glad i was able to change the words I heard.

    Your post is a good reminder to us that words can have a lasting power over someone.

    It is up to us to make sure that each word is spoken with love.

    Great post!


    1. Hey Tim,

      Thanks for your thoughts and you have reminded us and inspired us with you comment. We all come into contact with people we respect and look up to that have let us down with their words. However you have been able to turn this around and you should be congratulated for the place you find yourself in today.You are a great example of what is possible for us all.

      The Philipines and Thailand are 2 of my favourite destinations, you are a very lucky man. Keep up the great work mate and I look forward to hearing from you again soon Tim.


  3. Great Post! People from all walks of life have realized this important truth. Whether it be “the power of life and death is in the tongue” or “you will have what you say” etc. There are many people who know the power of words but not many people practice them. History gives us many examples of this.

    Physical fights or battles are not always common knowledge but many people remember the words of historical figures or writers. This shows the power of words to transcend time. This is a double edged sword because negative words can also last as long if not longer than positive words.

    I like your list of substitute words to use in order to get rid of negative words. People are very careless with words not stopping to think about the effects of their words on others or themselves. This post has really reminded me to be more mindful of my words.

    1. Hello Renton,

      Thanks for your insightful comment. Your use of history as an example of the power of words is very profound and the double edged sword reminds of the 2 alternatives we have whether talking to ourselves or the ones we love.

      The impact and influence we have on ourselves and others is not to be underestimated. Words form a major part on our emotions and help shape our lives, a few simple changes to our vocabulary can have a major effect on our moment to moment and indeed our day to day lives.

      It is up to us to make those changes and reach for a more fulfilling journey. Thanks again Renton!


  4. I agree with you that words are very important. One of my posts mentions that words have the power of life and healing. Power of life and possibly death: physically, mentally, spiritually, etc. What we think and feel overflows into our actions and words, which is why self-reflection and self-awareness are necessary. Thank you for your insightful post. I love your words 🙂

    1. Hello Petey

      So wonderful to read your comment. Your post mentions the power of life and of healing, and this is so true for emotions connected to the physical spiritual and mental. If we can catch ourselves using negative and/or hurtful words on ourselves and others we are on our way to making a huge difference in our lives and the lives of those we will leave behind one day.

      As parents we want our children to be happy and experience all the joys of life.This one small step in the usage of our words is the change the world needs.

      Wonderful to hear from you and would love to visit your website one day. Can you please leave me the link so I can check it out?.


  5. I agree with you when you say words are weapons.  Yes we can use them hurtfully or wisely.

    When a potential customer makes the statement that my product is cheap (meaning inexpensive, not cheap and nasty), I usually reply ‘no, it is good value’  I try to perceive an expectation based on value rather than price.

    With this in mind I like the optional words you use to describe your emotions. What a difference the perception is when the wording is more thoughtful.

    1. Hi Kerry Ann,

      So nice to hear from your. Your comment is very interesting in the way you refer to peoples perceptions. Our experience of life, and the attitude by which they are attained are different in every individual. That’s why we are all so wonderfully different.

      Your example based on value rather than price is excellent, and can also be used when we consider something as too expensive which conditions us into a state of lack and never enough.

      To change our words is a great way to enhance our perception and move away from any consideration of any type of lack. This begins simply by the choice of our words. You have offered me another great reason to continue to be aware of my own words and see the whole world through a different lens.

      Great stuff Kerry Ann!



  6. I realize that words can have a huge impact on someones self esteem. My parents have told me on a few occasions that I was the reason they didn’t have nice things in life. That the reason they sacrificed having those nice things were for me. I realize that could be really damaging as far as a relationship is concerned. On top of that, I can see why some kids will start to resent their parents later on in life. It is really sad to watch it develop as I have sensed it within myself on a couple of occasions. 

    1. Hello Jessie,

      Thanks so much for the honesty of your comment. The situation you have experienced is a common one, and one that has obviously decreased your self esteem and left you in a position of guilt. Sometimes it is easier to not take responsibility and blame someone else for our current circumstances. Our parents are victims of their parenting and they too have been handed these traits from previous generations. There is no blame here.

      If you can be conscious of the truth and move on and commit to using what you have learned, you can break a cycle that has been going on for generations, and become a catalyst for changing future generations you will have done a great job!

      Best wishes Jessie, your children are the ones who will benefit the most


  7. The research behind words on the self is really crazy. I bet you could include even more! But I totally agree with the message here. Especially with parents. As I got older I realized that when people gave me positive affirmations to keep on trying to do something and that I was doing okay, I kept going. I wasn’t particularly good at playing instruments. Really I wasn’t good at much outside of school and my mom made it known.

     But later on, when others encouraged me to keep trying, and that I was doing good (even when I wasn’t) it really gave me the desire to keep going. Even though I’ll never be a famous musician I got a lot lot better, and had a lot of fun doing it. I definitely am someone who always turns to constructive criticism with others, I think I’m helping. I’ll find the one thing that maybe could be improved. I always need to remind myself to give praise instead and give people the confidence to keep at it.

    1. Hello Nueromind,

      We all have had different upbringings and so have our parents, there is no blame here. Sometimes some people are just more conscious of the damage that can be caused and have no idea of the opposite that encouragement praise and a loving voice can have.  We look at our parents as gods when we are young and believe everything they say is true. However, it is still and always be our responsibility to  overcome any and all of our grievances and we may have to start with forgiveness.

      I’ve so enjoyed your comment and offer you all the encouragement I have, to keep moving forward in all your endeaviours

      Warmest regards


  8. Hey Paul ,great work here in reiterating the power of words over our lives!! I am conscious of and have been guilty of using the wrong words towards myself as well as others.Yes it is true words have the power to build up or tear down a person.So true that words can be forgiven but they cannot be forgotten.Excellent work here Paul,please do keep it up !!

    1. Hi Billy W, 

      Thanks for the kind words and it’s great to hear you are conscious of the effect they have whether you are talking to someone else or to yourself via your thoughts. Don’t be too hard on yourself we are all guilty of regretting something we have said regardless of whether that  be in anger or even possibly in love. The important fact for all of us is that we take responsibility to change and not react without thinking first.

      Thanks for your encouragement and I will be sure to keep on top of things. Come back soon



  9. This is an eye-opener for the modern parent. Oftentimes, parents are not mindful of the words they say, they are actually words that mold a person’s character considering childhood is the formative years of a person’s character. Thanks for enumerating the words that we should actually avoid using. There are more to this but I think the list is a good starter for us, parents and soon-to-be parents. (I am marrying soon)

    1. Great work Gomer, So glad you came across this post as fatherhood is probably not too far away. I hope there are a few reminders here for you when you are blessed to have a child. our children are relying on us all to break the cycle

  10. Hello Paul, thanks for sharing this wonderful post. The power of the words we say goes a long way into  both spiritual and physical effects. Words can be a means to save a dying man and also a tool to kill a healthy man. Some of us do not know the psychological effects of some things we say to people, even to our kids in worse situations. They are young and their minds can hardly handle harsh words. We can be a pillar to them by saying good words and also a destroyer when we hurt them with it.

    1. Hi Benson, I can see you have a great understanding of the power of words. used so fleetingly to express our discomfort and not reality. Our children deserve our love and acknowledgement of their true worth as the one of the greatest gifts of all

  11. This post is like the hall mark of learning because I just went through the process of scrutinising to realize that everything this this post is exactly what has affected me in one way or  the the other. Seriously, this is awesome to read about here. Our words are powerful and very few people have come to the realisation of that. Unless we are willing to change the things we say especially about ourselves, nothing will ever change around us. Simply top notch post

    1. Hey Rodarrick, Glad to know you gained some insight here and hopefully we can all put into practice some of the suggestion and both ourselves and our loved ones can enjoy a better life

  12. I dwell pretty firmly on the list of negative words/emotions. I’ve been afflicted by depression and social anxiety for more than a decade. I have to take all these prescription pills and I see a behavioral therapist once a week. Telling myself negative words in my thoughts is a daily battle that I engage in with myself. I’m often on the losing end of those battles. It’s really impacted my life and made it hard to do pretty much anything which is incredibly frustrating. I get stress or tension headaches chronically and always have no energy. Struggling with motivation, will and drive is a very real and uphill road to walk for me. Thanks for your article, I did like the read of it. Take care.

    1. Hi riverdogg. I really sympathise with you and I think at some stage we all suffer to some extent. Continue to move forward in your ‘daily battle’ you will surely win the battle if you don’t give in!

  13. Words have powers and it is effective in line with how we use it. If we use the power strictly to address negativity alone, then we will always come across negativity around us and when we use it for positive, only positive things would be around us. Hence, we are often what we speak or utter. The various aspects that you have discussed here are simply eye opening and enlightening. Thanks so much for sharing all these. I value it all a lot.

    1. Hi Shelley, what you say is exactly true, what we think and in return what we say creates the world we live in. Our choice

  14. I’m happy to see such post which educates us all on how powerful or words are. In anger, we are likely to say things that would hurt so bad, but still,  we still go on to say it and that is why it is best to keep to keep our mouths shut when we are angry. I used to be careless with my words until my dad gave me some tongue lashing words while i was growing up and from then I realized how painful it can be. I just hope we learn to control ourselves

    1. He Bella, It’s true that as parents we are like gods to our children in their early formative years. We believe everything they say, so in that context we need to share only love and encouragement. 

  15. Paul thanks for this great article and i agree with your thought that words are like weapons because they can either bring you happiness or hatred from or to the people you unite with so people should choose them wisely as you have shown them in the article, thanks in advance for sharing with us keep sharing

    1. Thanks Mugalu. Sometimes we are just so caught up in our own world that we forget about being kind to both ourselves and our loved ones. We need to come back to the moment and realise it is all happening in divine perfection

  16. Thanks for this educative article, It’s very true that words are like weapons and that makes it something that is liable to destroy and at the same time save, it depends on how you choose to use it. Thanks for citing those wise words from people and for making this detailed. I’ll bookmark this.

    1. Hello again King, Thanks for taking the time to comment and I really appreciate your kind words. We all tend to react too quickly and sometimes our perception is way offline. As always simply becoming aware and acknowledging our flaws is the beginning of change,

      Best wishes Andrea


  17. Hello Paul, Thanks for lighting on words that are important and use them carefully. Each post gives me motivation and some commitment to myself every time I read your post. It is full of energy. I learned many things from your website. You are doing an amazing job for people to motivate them and start thinking positive. From today I will only use positive words as much as possible. Thank you .. Parveen

    1. Hello Parveen, Your appreciation is always noted, and I have to say you are an inspiration to me and my work here at PDM. I shall continue to do my very best to bring awareness and change to one and all.

      Smiling at you mate. Thank you


  18. Hi Paul,

    I just wanted to reach out and say thank you for crafting such a beautifully-worded piece. This is exactly the type of article I needed to read today. 

    As someone that suffers from depression and anxiety, I can relate to the power of words. I’ve had to become extremely conscious of the words that I use (both internally and externally). 

    I’ve bookmarked this post and will be returning to it for a regular source of guidance.

    Thank you and God bless.

    1. Hello Jacob, and thank you so much for your comment. Your words here to me are powerful weapons to me to carry on finding ways to improve people’s lives including my own. Were all in this together and hold the hands of each other sometimes. Please let me know of anything specific you would like me to contribute in the future. It would truly be my pleasure


  19. Great thoughts and guidance Paul. Well said and thank you. Too often people do not realize just how harmful and cutting the words we speak can be. I really like that image you have that says, “Even when you’re mad, think before you talk. The words you say can only be forgiven, not forgotten.” Our brains are like computer hard drives. Most times we will always remember what was said to us.

    There have been times when I have said things very hurtful out of emotion when I should have taken some deep breaths and not said anything at all, or at least said it in a different tone and approach. But I have become much better at speaking words of encouragement and love after I became a Born Again Christian. Often when I say that people don’t understand how that can be.

    The first thing I tell them is that true Christianity is not a religion. It is a loving relationship with God through Jesus. Then I say, when you are in a loving relationship, do you not want others to share in your happiness by being loving and kind to them too? This is what I have become after leaving organized religion and becoming a Christian. “The words you speak become the house you live in.”

    Though this current world we live in makes it hard to remain positive and kind towards others, the loving relationship I am in will never die. Thus it helps me to remain positive in my words. Do I ever say bad things anymore? Yes, sometimes I do, but I am quick to reverse course. It’s like riding a bike. If you fall, get back up on it. Your post is a great teaching for those who need positive energy.

    1. Hi Robert, Just awesome to hear your story and know that you are turning your life around.

      We all have a path and purpose and sometimes we have to go through some seriously bad times to find the jewel of desire to change. We all must strive to become a better person each and every day and to forgive ourselves if we fall short. Letting go of perfection and being kind to ourselves is love in action

      All the best brother


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