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RELATIONSHIPS-HOW TO SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE-KEYS TO A GREAT RELATIONSHIP

A sunset, the ocean,a park bench...In this moment two lovers embrace and kiss

LOVE AND DO WHAT YOU WILL

Hello… Very Warm Welcome to you all

So here we are with the time honoured tradition of marriage, or to trend it by today’s normality, simply the desire and expectation of finding and hanging on to a loving, caring partner that you can stay with for a lifetime. I have written this article with the desire to spark some new and fresh ideas for you, and bring you and your partner back into alignment with the initial and original love that you both felt.

We have already been made aware of the fact in our previous post ‘Self Love’ that to fall in love with oneself is the first pillar of any long-lasting and fulfilling relationship with another.

First of all, when you have self-love you will be more likely to attract or meet someone who also has a love for themselves and have a real inner beauty. A young man with a coffee and a young woman with coffee and a dog on her lap sit on the floor both with big smiles

We are not talking about the egoic self-love here which parades with false love and pride, we are talking of a oneness and acceptance of oneself which always radiates true inner beauty.

In many ways, the most fundamental requirement of your relationship is your willingness to listen, furthermore, the quality of your relationships largely decides the quality of your life. So when it is playing such an important role in your life, it needs to be thoroughly looked at.

 

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LOVE IS A VERB

EVEN AFTER ALL THIS TIME THE SUN NEVER SAYS TO THE EARTH, “YOU OWE ME.” LOOK WHAT HAPPENS WITH A LOVE LIKE THAT, IT LIGHTS UP THE WHOLE SKY

Love is a feeling that lies beyond what words may attempt to describe, but eventually, those feelings that abound to overcome any and all differences subside and we become aware that love of any real depth and longevity requires us to grow and change our perceptions of a Hollywood fantasy.

Life comes gifted with relationships from the moment of conception. They are as much a part of life as breathing, or we might like to think so. Nobody gets into a relationship to have it fail, but we are talking intimate, loving and long-lasting relationships here.

Most of us fall in love and think, or assume might be a better word, that love will overcome the individual differences that come about from our ever-evolving perceptions, opinions, wants, needs, desires and expectations.

So at some stage, we may fall out of love and we either separate, if we are strong enough or just go through the process of staying together as two unhappy, unsatisfied, disappointed and begrudging people, silence abounds. In a dark room a couple look at each other but look right through each other

The other becomes the enemy, to be proven wrong,  judged and resented. Both our lives are miserable as we try to show the other we are happy, and that we can do without them at any stage.

Our ‘love’ or more appropriately our relationship has turned the full circle, from unconditional love to a relationship that is totally conditional, with its blaming and manipulating.

We only need to sit down and talk and even more importantly to listen, but we are far beyond that with neither person prepared to give an inch. We opt for any way to gain control as our ego runs rampant and we decide the’silent treatment’ is the go as the goalposts continually change.

We may think I’ll show him/her and have an affair, which if there is still hope for a continuance of the relationship only complicates and brings more pain and suffering.

What has happened? We ask, not that long ago everything was just perfect, we were so in love. What’s happened is, the honeymoon is over, and we are stuck with someone whom we thought was going to give us everything that love has to offer.

However, we find we are living with a stranger, along with all their faults and shortcomings that you once were happy to overlook, but now you aren’t, and the only answer is for them to change, they must change or it’s all over!

We now have fear anger and resentment created by pressure, stress and anxiety, all of which are considered simply ‘normal’ states of mind in today’s society.Fantasy photo-Heaven sits aglow above while below hell burns over beneath

We have been brainwashed by Hollywood that every marriage or relationship is made in heaven, so how come right now it feels like hell.

If we are lucky we come to discover that long-term love is never a noun, but a verb of the hugest proportions and in its rawest form. So what can we do? It doesn’t have to be fight and/or flight.

We simply need to go back and do all the things that came so naturally, to when you weren’t even aware you were doing them, they were just a part of who you both were.

So if we are to have any hope of restoring and maintaining our once intimate and loving relationship we need to go to work on ourselves. Yes, that’s right it is you who has to change if you both are to have any chance. So let’s look at what we can do to make that change. It’s not going to be easy, but it will be well worth the effort.

1.COMMUNICATION-

First and foremost we need to listen..let me say that again LISTEN…If you want to find solutions to the many different situations that are going to arise and have a harmonious relationship, you need to practice and master the art of listening. To do this you must give full and absolute, undivided, attention to what your partner is saying.

You must first seek to understand – then you will be understood. This practice has been found to be a powerful way of reaching two-way resolutions satisfactory to both individuals as they strive to become one.

2.GRATITUDE AND APPRECIATION-girl with arms folded holds some beautiful flowers

Take the time to focus on and bring yourself to an understanding and appreciation of the facts.There are 7 billion people on this planet and this one person, soulmate or whatever you choose to call him/her God bless her/him, came into your life by whatever means and stirred your soul like no other.

From all those 7 billion options in their life, they decided and chose to love and trust YOU enough to make a commitment to be with you, and marry you, a lifelong decision!

To share all their hopes and dreams with you, to make and share a home with you, to have a child with you, and share in the responsibility of that child and it’s future, to stand together as one no matter what life throws at you. To spend the rest of their lives with you and only you!

Please take time to reflect and ponder on the magnitude of their decision to which they have made! Pretty impressive eh!

3.ACCEPTANCE AND SURRENDER

Give up right now on the idea you can change someone else, it is a useless exercise. The only person you can ever change is you, and that is a big enough challenge on its own. Your differences are what brought you together in the first place, both physically and mentally. Of course, you should express and convey your feelings if something is having a negative effect on your relationship.

Having expressed your concerns and allowed your partner to fully comprehend. Then accept..with acceptance comes peace and inspiration for change.

4. PERSONAL ALONE TIME

Find and pursue an idea or interest that you know is going to make you a stronger person, whether that be physically mentally or spiritually, something you are passionate about, that is going to bring you happiness and growth as a person.You can do this together or on your own.

Beautiful girls smiles as she move through a valley of flowers up to her shoulders

Take and show interest in their newfound activity, it’s obvious it’s important to them, so do some research, surprise them with some knowledge, ask some questions, make them feel comfy and supported in their individual activity or hobby.

Showing that you care about what their interested in, and can share that interest, is love in action!

5.MAKE TIME AND PLAN FOR INTIMATE BLISS-WHEN EVERY CELL OF YOUR BODY IS AN EROGENOUS ZONE

 

LIFE IS ABOUT MOMENTS; DON’T WAIT FOR THEM, CREATE THEM

Tony Robbins

 

MAKE TIME FOR INTIMACY-We can start off by both making a list of what turns you on, all your fantasies, what you’ve always really enjoyed doing or something new you would like to try with your partner. Also what you would like them to do to you, along with any fantasies of what you would like to do to them, to you, and with each other.

Two reds wines sit on a table ready to go in front of a nice warm open fire

DINE TOGETHER- Plan a meal that you both delight in and have some soft candles and a bottle of wine. Have some music organised that rekindle the good times, music that reminds you of when you fell in love with each other, along with some current music you both enjoy to set the mood for the evening.

BATHE TOGETHER- Run a nice warm bubble bath, include some oils and have some incense burning along with some candles. Smile as you look into each other’s eyes and slowly undress each other.  Hold hands as you both stand naked together, yearning for the others touch.

Look into each other’s eyes once again and tell each other ‘I love you’. Hold your loves hands as you help each other into the bath. You are seated opposite each other feeling yourself to be totally vulnerable to your partner, close your eyes and begin to touch and feel and search and caress each other’s wonderlands. It’s like it’s the very first time, showing and expressing them the utmost tenderness and affection.

BEDTIME-Once again we dim the lights and have some candles burning along with some soft romantic music. Be sure to wear your partners’ favourite cologne or perfume. Make foreplay your no.1 priority and make sure you have the attitude of serving your partner without intent for yourself, you will find this to be reciprocal.

Turn all the sexual thoughts and energies that you are feeling in that moment into whispers of ecstasy to their ears, acknowledge to your partner the bliss you feel when they touch you, as they discover your body once again.semi naked couple -she kisses his back

Hold each other firmly as you embrace, this will acknowledge the safety and trust that you are experiencing, and surrender yourself to whoever is taking charge or dominating at that moment, and simply enjoy the bliss of being worshipped and spoilt.

Surprise your partner with the joy of the five senses.. sight, touch, smell, sounds and taste. Have fun guys!!

BREKKY-Have a plan to rise early and surprise your partner by cooking a wholesome brekky that you enjoy in bed. Be grateful for the opportunity to do so and take great delight from the wonderful smile of thanks you’ll receive from your soulmate. Take the time to embrace the overwhelming closeness and bond that you feel at this moment.

The bliss of giving and making someone feel special and loved, what a blessing that is. The joy is a two-way experience with your lover enjoying an amazing experience being spoilt with your yummy brekky along with feeling special and loved. An oh so small act of kindness that will have such a huge impact. Tell me who feels better..my guess would be the giver, however, we’ll call it a draw eh!

6.RESPECT AND RECOMMIT

As humans we are extremely fragile and sensitive beings, most of us anyway. For this reason, we must not only recommit to ourselves our resolve to make this relationship work but have our partner understand the drive behind that commitment. We then need to reinforce that commitment with our actions. We can do this in many ways, firstly showing your utmost respect by once again taking the time to truly listen to your partner, and to then feel, show and display both gratitude and appreciation for their presence in your life.

7.EXPECTATIONS AND PERCEPTIONS

As we grow as human beings whether that be spiritually, mentally or physically we come to a better understanding of what we truly want our life to be like, we also come to understand that life’s so-called problems are just life happening the way it does for everyone, that the situations we face are just our life together in action, moving forward. They are simply situations that whether they are personal or involve both of you (which most of the time they will) or whether it be a family situation that needs to be discussed.Middle aged man embraces a woman as she cries he kisses her forehead and holds her in loving arms

You both need to either deal with the situation or accept it for the moment and not make it into a lingering problem. In this way, you are not only growing in strength personally, but your marriage or partnership grows stronger. You then become a great example for your children, so as a family, as one, you all grow stronger together.

8.AWARENESS AND COMPASSION

Become aware of any of your partner’s distinct displays of discontent or feelings of unpleasantness. Reinforce the fact that they are not alone, that you are here for them. That they never need to face a situation alone. That together you can overcome any and all of lifes perceived difficulties.

Respect them by giving them time to individually deal with whatever they are feeling uncomfortable about and reinforce your willingness to understand by showing both empathy and compassion. Maybe you need to accept and stop trying to solve inconveniences knowing they are all inclusive in the big picture, allowing things to unfold in the divine perfection that you and we all are.

9.LIGHTEN UP AND HAVE SOME FUN IT’S THE ONLY LIFE YOU GET

It truly is. Here are some fun ideas you might like to put into practice. I’m sure you can find one or two here that you can have some fun with and cement the growing bond that you are now truly creating. Remember the saying that variety is the spice of life.A loving couple with eyes closed and lost in the moment dance holding each other

Plan a date, send some sexy texts, dance to some music, swap roles in bed, send some flowers, drink some wine, order pizza,  go skinny dipping, watch a sexy movie, watch a movie that makes you both cry,  go for a walk and not just hold hands but give your partners hand a little squeeze occasionally, bathe your partner and choose their outfit and cologne/perfume.

Go for a drive in the country, have a picnic, stare at the moon and the stars and acknowledge them for what they truly are, reminding each other that you are both part of that indescribable magnificence.

Buy a pet, do some gardening together, plant a tree together and watch it grow as an acknowledgement and inspiration of your growth, watch a storm and go dance in the rain, make and enjoy a campfire at the beach, in the bush or in the backyard and drink some wine, relax and laugh together as you talk about your dreams for each other and your life long plans.

Go for a push bicycle ride, climb/conquer a mountain, take some deep breaths and acknowledge that fresh crisp mountain air, swim in the ocean, swim in a secluded stream naked, send a love letter, pick some flowers, get up and watch the sunrise with a nice fresh cuppa, grow some veggies together.sun shining the ocean in foreground mountains in the background while A couple embrace

Write a prayer and have your partner close their eyes while you recite the prayer both to them and for them, walk along a secluded beach holding hands and build a sandcastle together.

READY TO LOVE- A FEW FINAL WORDS

As we mentioned before, the quality of your life will come down to your relationships. In most cases, we make the common mistake of thinking we can change someone and also thinking that if we can change someone then everything will be ok. It won’t!

The question begging to be asked is, and the reality of things is this, ‘Can you love them exactly where they are right now’? If they don’t ever change and be exactly the way YOU want them to be, can you still love them? If you can say ‘YES to that question you then become an inspiration for change rather than a demander of change. If you can love them as they are, you will then inspire change rather than try to force change.

Relationships tend to shift and start to go downhill when your more committed to being right than being in harmony and living peacefully. We forget that living in harmony is way more important than being right. With any communication the majority of the time we are arguing for the need to be right and your partner wrong!

How insidious that is when you stop to think about it. Silence fills the air and the silent hours linger, no one is prepared to admit they are wrong. Even if you are technically right you are wrong and you both lose.

Please, we must all commit to choosing harmony, peace and pleasantness over being right, we are not in some type of competition, but if you are committed to winning this game the trophy is total discontent forever..two losers

How old are you? It’s truly time to grow up guys.

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It is my deepest wish that you build an unbreakable love that overcomes any obstacle. That you continue to look onward and upward and enjoy the calming peace that is true love. That you grow together and your love blossoms and shines through your smiles, and sparkles in your eyes, that the others touch is never taken for granted.

With Heartfelt Love

Paul

THERE IS ONLY ONE TRUE HAPPINESS IN LIFE, TO LOVE AND BE LOVED

 

 

 

 

 

 

26 thoughts on “RELATIONSHIPS-HOW TO SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE-KEYS TO A GREAT RELATIONSHIP

  1. I actually have a really good marriage and a strong relationship with my wife, but I want to keep it that way and not get lazy or take her for granted. I came across your post because I’m always looking for ways to keep things good and fresh.

    You’re right about the self-love aspect. Without first loving yourself, how can you really, deeply love someone else?

    This is a really in-depth study on the subject and I like the way you’ve essentially broken things down into numbered points. Your post is a great reference so I’m going to bookmark it.

    1. Hello Darren,

      Thanks for your comment and it is with great pleasure I can say my first reply is from a man who is happily married. Congratulations! 

      A marriage can be a wonderful experience and yours is obviously working. It’s a great idea to keep your eyes and ears open to new things that you can do togethe,r keeping things as you mentioned ‘good and fresh’.

      My post on the subject is one of many and the fact that you continue to learn and research new and exciting ways of experiencing life with your partner is a credit to you.

      Wishing both of you never ending happiness,

      Paul

  2. I am happy to say I have a wonderful marriage but after reading your article I can see areas where I could probably put in more effort. Your article is very inspiring and I really love your website. I will check out the other articles you have here I am sure they are just as uplifting.

    1. Hello Jamila,

      Lovely to hear from you and congratulations on your wonderful marriage. I think in every marriage both partners can put in a bit more of an effort, the results are always well worth the effort. Some of these emotions and feelings will include warmth, safety, trust, relaxed, caring, sharing, comfortable, peaceful, invigorated, sensual, attractive, needed, wanted, inclusive, confident, and if your outer world is matched up with an inner world of peace and joy you are very blessed indeed. This mix of emotions puts you in a very special place, which the vast majority of the world never even experience or even know about.

      I’m glad you’ve been able to take something with you from my article, some ideas that have inspired you to perhaps take your marriage to the next level. You will both reap the benefits.

      You are always so very welcome here my friend. I look forward to hearing from you again very soon Jamila.

      Till our paths cross again. all the very best to you

      Paul

  3. Hello Paul,

    It was nice to find your post. I found it very uplifting…

    And loving!

    I used to live in relationships, where it was all about me and my happiness.

    One day, I was complaining about my partner to my mentor and they asked me: “If you were your girlfriend, would you want to be your girlfriend?”

    In a moment of vulnerable honesty, I realized that I would not want to be and understood why she was complaining.

    That relationship soon died, but as I continued my self development, the way I treated others changed.

    Now I have been in the most wonderful relationship for over 6 years.

    In this relationship I focused one 1 thing… making Jane happy.

    As I did that, she lived in a state of happiness and of course this created more happiness and I lived in happiness…

    I am happy!

    One of the things I discovered, was that love is not an external emotion. All my life I had been looking for someone to ‘fall in love with’ or ‘someone to love’…

    However, I AM love…

    It is not external, it is internal…

    And as I share my love with her, she shares her love with me…

    And we live in love!

    Tim (I am a loving man) Bennett

    1. Hi Tim 

      I love this little story of yours. It really hits home, and I remember quite well the periods of growth that we must all embrace. Selfishness rarely has a place in a strong marriage and it’s so good that you have evolved so much and that you are truly feeling the love both within and without.

      I think you are both lucky to have each other and to share such an awesome attitude towards love and life itself.. I wish you both every success and am sure you will live and grow in harmony with one of life’s greatest rewards.

      Warmest regards

      Paul

  4. Hallo there,

    I have to agree with you on the communication thing.

    I have seen this pay off with my parents for years. They take time to listen to each other’s ideas and they come up with great decisions.

    I have also had my wife tell me so many times that she loves a good listener. This way, I’m able to bind very deeply with her, amd truiy understand who she is.

    So I fully back you up on that. 🙂

    1. Hi Dave, 

      Great to hear from you and your comment makes a lot of sense. You are tremendously lucky to have had parents that are good communicators. Role models are so important in our lives. Your are obviously a good listener as well and your wife certainly appreciates, and as you mentioned it binds you together which is so nice. To share that common bond places you in a good place for a happy and successful marriage.

      All the very best mate and my wishes also for your loving wife.

      Paul

       

  5. It is true that the romantic relativistic system, especially at its beginning, is perceived by Hollywood standards, that is, everything is pink, and as you said, it is determined from above, but life itself is full of vicissitudes and an attempt to change each other has been doomed from the start.
    You have to love yourself, accept your spouse as he is, know how to compromise, and especially to enjoy life because they it is short and not to get caught up in nonsense to start a fight. Shortly, great summary.

    1. Hi Savion,

      I really enjoyed reading your reply, You sound like you have a real grip on whats needed for a strong long lasting relationship. As we will all undoubtedly find out it is no joyride without the knowledge, but with the right attitude, compassion and a willingness to compromise we can share the bliss of two loving souls united as one, always.

      Best wishes to you Savion,

      Paul

  6. Thanks for this inspiring article.

    My wife and I have good times and not so good ones together, we enjoy the good ones and get over the rest.

    I found some nice ideas to add some more light good times to our life. Sometimes I need a reminder like this, it all gets too normal and ritualistic without adding some spices on purpose.

    No one is perfect and my wife is no exception, nor am I of course, but I love her and her little specialities. I would not want her to be different, except her forgetting where she put her things all the time lol.

    Great read, Stefan 

    1. Hi Stefan,

      Really great to hear from you and thanks for giving us a little insight into your marriage. You sound like you have things going along nicely and are aware of what’s needed to be done to make your marriage work. I also like it when you say ‘ I love her for her little specialities and you wouldn’t want her to be any different.’

      On top of that, you were able to get some ideas to spice things up a bit, which for me tells me I’ve done my job here. This is very gratifying for me.

      I’d love to know which ideas you are thinking of using and how they went! Please come back and share with us.

      So look forward to hearing from you soon Stefan

      Kind Regards

      Paul

      p.s…I’m sure as your wife gains more trust she will relax and remember where she put everything!!. Let’s know how she goes! hehe.Cheers mate!

       

  7. Thank you for taking your time to share your wealth of experience with us I really appreciate this, I am getting married in July and you know what I mean if I say this post is timely. Of course, there is no way you can love someone else if you don’t love yourself first, I believe marriage should also be about tolerance, in any circumstances partners should be able to tolerate one another. 

    1. Hello Clement,

      Congratulations to you both, and yes I completely understand the excellent timing of this read for you. Just a little concerned about tolerance being the highest expectation of your life together. Of course, after a period of time your love will plateau, but this is where the strength of the marriage can be forged.

      Let your love be an expression of the love you feel for the other and not the expectation of having someone else be there solely for your happiness, in this way you have the right focus and is a much higher place than simply tolerating each other.

      My very best wishes for you both and the life that you will share soon. Remember I am always here and the right timing will appear again. Come here whenever the need be.

      You are always most welcome Clement

      Best Wishes,

      Paul

  8. Fantastic read. When I saw the line love is a verb, I wished I could send you a thousand hugs. I never knew how to explain that properly but using ur sun analogy am better equipped to express myself.

    I’m in a very good relationship at the moment but sometimes it feels like I’m the one doing all the loving. How do you deal with a partner whose not romantic? 

    I think in the long run I will get bored in such a relationship.

    1. Hi Louis 

      So nice to get your thoughts and hear about your current situation. The sun analogy is so beautiful and explains what love is all about so poignantly. I absolutely love it. I’m not sure I agree these days that love is a verb, but as a starting point, it gives you a great perspective of where to begin.

      It saddens me a little though to think you have already concluded or are assuming that things won’t change. Work on yourself and if the time comes to move on you will, but don’t underestimate your ability to have your husband become more romantic. You can do it!

      Follow some of the ideas here in this post to get the results you are looking for, if not from this current relationship, then from another, just don’t give up just yet.

      Keep loving, and do what you do Louis.

      Love to you both,

      Paul

  9. This is just fabulous. One of the reasons why I love this post is because you have opened my eyes to the true meaning of love and the essence of keeping things new everyday. If we really can adhere to all of this that you have written here then I’m sure many people will not be needing their divorce in the world today. This is very good. Thank you for much and I will make sure to share this post.

    1. Hey John, Thanks for the kind words I’m really flattered and inspired that you were able to take so much from my work. I hope you can put some of the advice here into practice and truly enjoy the magic of a solid and loving marriage

      Best wishes friend. Paul

  10. Alone time is the biggest factor for me in a healthy relationship. I’m not married but I’ve had several long-term partners and being able to escape off someplace by myself for awhile and just recharge and collect my thoughts always helped immensely. When you spend day in and day out with somebody, no matter how much you love them, sometimes you just need a little space now and then to be alone with nothing but your own thoughts. Maybe that’s why Man Cave’s and She Sheds are so popular these days LOL?

    1. Yes Riverdogg, what you say is true we, all need space no matter how close we are. To be the best we can with others we need to become the best version of ourselves and that means working on ourselves, which in most situations can only be done alone. May we all give ourselves and others that sacred time to be alone with ourselves.

      Regards, Paul

  11. I love this post, it takes the time to focus on how important working through the rough parts of marriage are. My wife and I have been together a relatively short amount of time (4 years). There were a lot of times along the way that we thought it wasn’t going to work, but through communication and work we figured out how to move forward and are now so much the better for it. Do we think that everything is going to be all sunshine and roses? Of course not. But as long as we remember that we are a team and that no matter what, we come back to each other, I truly believe we can conquer anything. 

    1. Hey Travis, How lucky you are to have the insights  that you have just shared with us. Your attitude is a declaration of knowledge and faith that yes you can conquer anything. All the very best to you and thanks for such a great outlook on marriage.

      Kind Regards

      Paul

  12. There are some really good tips here that I think even I can make use of even in my own relationship. Although we do not have so many hard times right now, I think that it is important that we keep the love going and we brighten it up with some new found freshness. I like the way you have defined love. Good job.

    1. Hey John , Thanks for the comment, hopefully you have gained a few ideas, if not for now certainly the future, Wishing you and your loved one the magic of unconditional love everyday.Paul

  13. Hey Paul! Gratitude,Gratitude,Gratitude! Thank you for this important topic marriage! First of all ,I want to tell you that I like your site and I feel at peace when I am reading your articles.So many marriages have been destroyed because of a lack of communication.Sometimes this fire that we have for each other reduces if we do not know how to handle it, how to simply love each other.This message is for everybody.I am married for many years but have I found some extremely valuable tips here!

    1. Hey Eva, Glad you enjoyed the post and was able to find some tips or maybe reminders of the value you of loving. Despite our very best intentions we all sometimes need to look at ourselves and remember why we married in the first place. This little exercise can often be the spark that rekindles the fire that burns.Best wishes Eva

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