LOVE AND DO WHAT YOU WILL
Hello… Very Warm Welcome to you all
So here we are with the time honoured tradition of marriage, or to trend it by today’s normality, simply the desire and expectation of finding and hanging on to a loving, caring partner that you can stay with for a lifetime. I have written this article with the desire to spark some new and fresh ideas for you, and bring you and your partner back into alignment with the initial and original love that you both felt.
We have already been made aware of the fact in our previous post ‘Self Love’ that to fall in love with oneself is the first pillar of any long-lasting and fulfilling relationship with another.
First of all, when you have self-love you will be more likely to attract or meet someone who also has a love for themselves and have a real inner beauty.
We are not talking about the egoic self-love here which parades with false love and pride, we are talking of a oneness and acceptance of oneself which always radiates true inner beauty.
In many ways, the most fundamental requirement of your relationship is your willingness to listen, furthermore, the quality of your relationships largely decides the quality of your life. So when it is playing such an important role in your life, it needs to be thoroughly looked at.
LOVE IS A VERB
EVEN AFTER ALL THIS TIME THE SUN NEVER SAYS TO THE EARTH, “YOU OWE ME.” LOOK WHAT HAPPENS WITH A LOVE LIKE THAT, IT LIGHTS UP THE WHOLE SKY
Love is a feeling that lies beyond what words may attempt to describe, but eventually, those feelings that abound to overcome any and all differences subside and we become aware that love of any real depth and longevity requires us to grow and change our perceptions of a Hollywood fantasy.
Life comes gifted with relationships from the moment of conception. They are as much a part of life as breathing, or we might like to think so. Nobody gets into a relationship to have it fail, but we are talking intimate, loving and long-lasting relationships here.
Most of us fall in love and think, or assume might be a better word, that love will overcome the individual differences that come about from our ever-evolving perceptions, opinions, wants, needs, desires and expectations.
So at some stage, we may fall out of love and we either separate, if we are strong enough or just go through the process of staying together as two unhappy, unsatisfied, disappointed and begrudging people, silence abounds.
The other becomes the enemy, to be proven wrong, judged and resented. Both our lives are miserable as we try to show the other we are happy, and that we can do without them at any stage.
Our ‘love’ or more appropriately our relationship has turned the full circle, from unconditional love to a relationship that is totally conditional, with its blaming and manipulating.
We only need to sit down and talk and even more importantly to listen, but we are far beyond that with neither person prepared to give an inch. We opt for any way to gain control as our ego runs rampant and we decide the’silent treatment’ is the go as the goalposts continually change.
We may think I’ll show him/her and have an affair, which if there is still hope for a continuance of the relationship only complicates and brings more pain and suffering.
What has happened? We ask, not that long ago everything was just perfect, we were so in love. What’s happened is, the honeymoon is over, and we are stuck with someone whom we thought was going to give us everything that love has to offer.
However, we find we are living with a stranger, along with all their faults and shortcomings that you once were happy to overlook, but now you aren’t, and the only answer is for them to change, they must change or it’s all over!
We now have fear anger and resentment created by pressure, stress and anxiety, all of which are considered simply ‘normal’ states of mind in today’s society.
We have been brainwashed by Hollywood that every marriage or relationship is made in heaven, so how come right now it feels like hell.
If we are lucky we come to discover that long-term love is never a noun, but a verb of the hugest proportions and in its rawest form. So what can we do? It doesn’t have to be fight and/or flight.
We simply need to go back and do all the things that came so naturally, to when you weren’t even aware you were doing them, they were just a part of who you both were.
So if we are to have any hope of restoring and maintaining our once intimate and loving relationship we need to go to work on ourselves. Yes, that’s right it is you who has to change if you both are to have any chance. So let’s look at what we can do to make that change. It’s not going to be easy, but it will be well worth the effort.
First and foremost we need to listen..let me say that again LISTEN…If you want to find solutions to the many different situations that are going to arise and have a harmonious relationship, you need to practice and master the art of listening. To do this you must give full and absolute, undivided, attention to what your partner is saying.
You must first seek to understand – then you will be understood. This practice has been found to be a powerful way of reaching two-way resolutions satisfactory to both individuals as they strive to become one.
2.GRATITUDE AND APPRECIATION-
Take the time to focus on and bring yourself to an understanding and appreciation of the facts.There are 7 billion people on this planet and this one person, soulmate or whatever you choose to call him/her God bless her/him, came into your life by whatever means and stirred your soul like no other.
From all those 7 billion options in their life, they decided and chose to love and trust YOU enough to make a commitment to be with you, and marry you, a lifelong decision!
To share all their hopes and dreams with you, to make and share a home with you, to have a child with you, and share in the responsibility of that child and it’s future, to stand together as one no matter what life throws at you. To spend the rest of their lives with you and only you!
Please take time to reflect and ponder on the magnitude of their decision to which they have made! Pretty impressive eh!
3.ACCEPTANCE AND SURRENDER
Give up right now on the idea you can change someone else, it is a useless exercise. The only person you can ever change is you, and that is a big enough challenge on its own. Your differences are what brought you together in the first place, both physically and mentally. Of course, you should express and convey your feelings if something is having a negative effect on your relationship.
Having expressed your concerns and allowed your partner to fully comprehend. Then accept..with acceptance comes peace and inspiration for change.
4. PERSONAL ALONE TIME
Find and pursue an idea or interest that you know is going to make you a stronger person, whether that be physically mentally or spiritually, something you are passionate about, that is going to bring you happiness and growth as a person.You can do this together or on your own.
Take and show interest in their newfound activity, it’s obvious it’s important to them, so do some research, surprise them with some knowledge, ask some questions, make them feel comfy and supported in their individual activity or hobby.
Showing that you care about what their interested in, and can share that interest, is love in action!
5.MAKE TIME AND PLAN FOR INTIMATE BLISS-WHEN EVERY CELL OF YOUR BODY IS AN EROGENOUS ZONE
LIFE IS ABOUT MOMENTS; DON’T WAIT FOR THEM, CREATE THEM
MAKE TIME FOR INTIMACY-We can start off by both making a list of what turns you on, all your fantasies, what you’ve always really enjoyed doing or something new you would like to try with your partner. Also what you would like them to do to you, along with any fantasies of what you would like to do to them, to you, and with each other.
DINE TOGETHER- Plan a meal that you both delight in and have some soft candles and a bottle of wine. Have some music organised that rekindle the good times, music that reminds you of when you fell in love with each other, along with some current music you both enjoy to set the mood for the evening.
BATHE TOGETHER- Run a nice warm bubble bath, include some oils and have some incense burning along with some candles. Smile as you look into each other’s eyes and slowly undress each other. Hold hands as you both stand naked together, yearning for the others touch.
Look into each other’s eyes once again and tell each other ‘I love you’. Hold your loves hands as you help each other into the bath. You are seated opposite each other feeling yourself to be totally vulnerable to your partner, close your eyes and begin to touch and feel and search and caress each other’s wonderlands. It’s like it’s the very first time, showing and expressing them the utmost tenderness and affection.
BEDTIME-Once again we dim the lights and have some candles burning along with some soft romantic music. Be sure to wear your partners’ favourite cologne or perfume. Make foreplay your no.1 priority and make sure you have the attitude of serving your partner without intent for yourself, you will find this to be reciprocal.
Turn all the sexual thoughts and energies that you are feeling in that moment into whispers of ecstasy to their ears, acknowledge to your partner the bliss you feel when they touch you, as they discover your body once again.
Hold each other firmly as you embrace, this will acknowledge the safety and trust that you are experiencing, and surrender yourself to whoever is taking charge or dominating at that moment, and simply enjoy the bliss of being worshipped and spoilt.
Surprise your partner with the joy of the five senses.. sight, touch, smell, sounds and taste. Have fun guys!!
BREKKY-Have a plan to rise early and surprise your partner by cooking a wholesome brekky that you enjoy in bed. Be grateful for the opportunity to do so and take great delight from the wonderful smile of thanks you’ll receive from your soulmate. Take the time to embrace the overwhelming closeness and bond that you feel at this moment.
The bliss of giving and making someone feel special and loved, what a blessing that is. The joy is a two-way experience with your lover enjoying an amazing experience being spoilt with your yummy brekky along with feeling special and loved. An oh so small act of kindness that will have such a huge impact. Tell me who feels better..my guess would be the giver, however, we’ll call it a draw eh!
6.RESPECT AND RECOMMIT
As humans we are extremely fragile and sensitive beings, most of us anyway. For this reason, we must not only recommit to ourselves our resolve to make this relationship work but have our partner understand the drive behind that commitment. We then need to reinforce that commitment with our actions. We can do this in many ways, firstly showing your utmost respect by once again taking the time to truly listen to your partner, and to then feel, show and display both gratitude and appreciation for their presence in your life.
7.EXPECTATIONS AND PERCEPTIONS
As we grow as human beings whether that be spiritually, mentally or physically we come to a better understanding of what we truly want our life to be like, we also come to understand that life’s so-called problems are just life happening the way it does for everyone, that the situations we face are just our life together in action, moving forward. They are simply situations that whether they are personal or involve both of you (which most of the time they will) or whether it be a family situation that needs to be discussed.
You both need to either deal with the situation or accept it for the moment and not make it into a lingering problem. In this way, you are not only growing in strength personally, but your marriage or partnership grows stronger. You then become a great example for your children, so as a family, as one, you all grow stronger together.
8.AWARENESS AND COMPASSION
Become aware of any of your partner’s distinct displays of discontent or feelings of unpleasantness. Reinforce the fact that they are not alone, that you are here for them. That they never need to face a situation alone. That together you can overcome any and all of lifes perceived difficulties.
Respect them by giving them time to individually deal with whatever they are feeling uncomfortable about and reinforce your willingness to understand by showing both empathy and compassion. Maybe you need to accept and stop trying to solve inconveniences knowing they are all inclusive in the big picture, allowing things to unfold in the divine perfection that you and we all are.
9.LIGHTEN UP AND HAVE SOME FUN IT’S THE ONLY LIFE YOU GET
It truly is. Here are some fun ideas you might like to put into practice. I’m sure you can find one or two here that you can have some fun with and cement the growing bond that you are now truly creating. Remember the saying that variety is the spice of life.
Plan a date, send some sexy texts, dance to some music, swap roles in bed, send some flowers, drink some wine, order pizza, go skinny dipping, watch a sexy movie, watch a movie that makes you both cry, go for a walk and not just hold hands but give your partners hand a little squeeze occasionally, bathe your partner and choose their outfit and cologne/perfume.
Go for a drive in the country, have a picnic, stare at the moon and the stars and acknowledge them for what they truly are, reminding each other that you are both part of that indescribable magnificence.
Buy a pet, do some gardening together, plant a tree together and watch it grow as an acknowledgement and inspiration of your growth, watch a storm and go dance in the rain, make and enjoy a campfire at the beach, in the bush or in the backyard and drink some wine, relax and laugh together as you talk about your dreams for each other and your life long plans.
Go for a push bicycle ride, climb/conquer a mountain, take some deep breaths and acknowledge that fresh crisp mountain air, swim in the ocean, swim in a secluded stream naked, send a love letter, pick some flowers, get up and watch the sunrise with a nice fresh cuppa, grow some veggies together.
Write a prayer and have your partner close their eyes while you recite the prayer both to them and for them, walk along a secluded beach holding hands and build a sandcastle together.
READY TO LOVE- A FEW FINAL WORDS
As we mentioned before, the quality of your life will come down to your relationships. In most cases, we make the common mistake of thinking we can change someone and also thinking that if we can change someone then everything will be ok. It won’t!
The question begging to be asked is, and the reality of things is this, ‘Can you love them exactly where they are right now’? If they don’t ever change and be exactly the way YOU want them to be, can you still love them? If you can say ‘YES to that question you then become an inspiration for change rather than a demander of change. If you can love them as they are, you will then inspire change rather than try to force change.
Relationships tend to shift and start to go downhill when your more committed to being right than being in harmony and living peacefully. We forget that living in harmony is way more important than being right. With any communication the majority of the time we are arguing for the need to be right and your partner wrong!
How insidious that is when you stop to think about it. Silence fills the air and the silent hours linger, no one is prepared to admit they are wrong. Even if you are technically right you are wrong and you both lose.
Please, we must all commit to choosing harmony, peace and pleasantness over being right, we are not in some type of competition, but if you are committed to winning this game the trophy is total discontent forever..two losers
How old are you? It’s truly time to grow up guys.
It is my deepest wish that you build an unbreakable love that overcomes any obstacle. That you continue to look onward and upward and enjoy the calming peace that is true love. That you grow together and your love blossoms and shines through your smiles, and sparkles in your eyes, that the others touch is never taken for granted.
With Heartfelt Love
THERE IS ONLY ONE TRUE HAPPINESS IN LIFE, TO LOVE AND BE LOVED